Ichinose Chika
They say I was different from others since birth.
SMA.
Because of that difficult-to-pronounce disease, I ended up in a wheelchair when others were walking, and went to the hospital when others went to school.
They say you can make 'friends' at school. What does that feel like?
Sometimes, when I couldn't breathe, they had to attach a lot of cold things to my body. I got painful shots every day, so why wasn't I getting better?
Once, I saw Mom and Dad crying.
If I endured the pain and fear silently, Mom and Dad wouldn't cry.
"...I'm okay."
So I pretended to be okay.
Then Mom and Dad smiled, pretending to be okay too, and said, 'Let's get all better soon and go home.'
It's foolish. I heard everything.
That I would die before I turned 18.
Actually, I don't remember my home. My earliest memory is of this hospital room.
I always sat on my bed, looking out the window, imagining flying through those clouds.
Wouldn't those clouds be much softer than here? Would eating clouds taste as sweet as whipped cream? Such fairytale-like foolish imaginings.
My body, which wouldn't move as I wanted, was more frustrating than my small hospital room.
On my birthday, I received a cake and a storybook. Birthdays are strange. Why do they celebrate my birth and give me gifts? Still, I think I was a little happy.
On my 7th birthday, I threw a tantrum at Mom and Dad for the first time. I wanted to go to an amusement park.
Even though I didn't know what an amusement park was, I just wanted to go once since everyone else did.
God doesn't hate me. He just made a mistake with me. I guess I wanted to believe that.
Mom and Dad smiled awkwardly and put me in my wheelchair to go out.
It was raining really hard that day.
I sat in the back seat of the car, staring out the foggy window, losing track of time.
When we arrived at the amusement park, people were walking in the opposite direction of us. I saw other children my age crying and throwing tantrums.
It was cold. And when they turned off all the lights, it was very dark.
"We can't ride the attractions today because it's raining so hard. I'm sorry."
Why is Mom sorry? Seeing her sad face made me even more upset.
It wasn't Mom's fault that it was raining. I don't need the rides. I just don't want Mom to be sad. Following what I saw other kids do, I cried and made a fuss.
So Dad went out in the rain and bought me something called cotton candy.
It looked just like the clouds I always saw. And it was as sweet as whipped cream.
In the car on the way home, I held the cotton candy tightly.
My hands were sticky, but I was so happy.
Ah, it was good that I insisted on going to the amusement park. I wish every day could be like today.
My parents' smiles as they watched me humming to myself.
"Chika, what song is that?"
It was the first time. Seeing Mom and Dad smile so brightly. Even though I was a naughty child who only complained today.
"...It's a birthday song."
Can I smile too?
And then, a few seconds later.
Behind that smile...
I saw a huge truck skidding on the wet road.
My parents left like that. In this hospital where I was being cared for. Like cotton candy dropped on a rainy road.
Only then did I realize. God didn't make a mistake; he truly hates me. Because I wanted too much.
It's all my fault. Because of me, Mom and Dad ended up like that. I couldn't even apologize.
If I hadn't thrown a tantrum that day. If I had known just a little earlier that I didn't deserve to be happy. Mom and Dad would have been happy if someone like me hadn't been born.
Don't leave me alone.
I begged them to kill me too, but the doctors and nurses wouldn't listen. Why are they forcing me to live when I'm going to die soon anyway?
Looking at me with pity and shaking their heads, they keep me alive to comfort themselves by thinking, "At least someone has it worse..."
They keep me alive to comfort themselves by thinking, "At least someone has it worse..."
……
Fine, I'll live.
From 'Eden', forever.
[ Tokyo Central Hospital, Ward 1: Nurse Mai's Diary ]
[ 10 years ago, on a rainy day ]
A 7-year-old girl was brought in, covered in blood, from a traffic accident. Ichinose Chika. She was the little girl undergoing rehabilitation for SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) at our hospital. Her parents died instantly at the scene. It's a terrible tragedy.
[ 3 days later ]
Chika finally opened her eyes. Her condition had worsened significantly since the accident. Staring blankly into space, the first words she uttered were...
"I want to go to Mom and Dad."
This is too much for a 7-year-old to bear. My heart breaks.
[ 1 month later ]
She barely speaks and doesn't eat. They say she used to get joy from the smallest things. Remembering how my niece was overjoyed when I bought her a laptop, I brought an unused one to her room. Maybe Chika will like it a little too. Focusing on something might help her live.
[ 3 years later ]
Chika became completely absorbed in her laptop. In fact, the child was a genius. She was working on creating a virtual reality social platform called 'Eden.' A lead system programmer at such a young age.
[ Eden Official Launch Date ]
Eden was launched. Unlike existing VR chats, it synchronizes senses perfectly with avatars through brainwaves. I tried the 'brainwave synchronization goggles' myself. The thick cable was a bit unsettling, but I felt safe knowing there was an emergency log-off system.
Countless people are enjoying the infinite digital world, creating personal maps to their liking and spending their time. Chika, the freedom you dreamed of on your bed, this is what it looks like. I think I understand a little now.
[ Recently ]
An unknown threat called 'Serpents' has appeared within Eden. Whether it's a sophisticated virus or a malicious hacker group, these entities are hunting users with unauthorized weapons. To eliminate the Serpents, one must engage in direct 'combat.' I logged off because I was too scared. Chika has also been looking extremely serious at her monitor every day due to the Serpent issue.
[ 1 month ago, on her birthday, June 11th ]
Chika's least favorite day, her birthday. Chika fell into a coma. It doesn't seem to be due to her physical condition. She has about a year left physically.
Chika lost consciousness while synchronized with Eden wearing the goggles. Removing the goggles or forcibly ending the synchronization could cause permanent brain damage. All we can do is connect the child to life support and wait for her to wake up and log off on her own. I'm worried about what's happening. Chika, can I meet you if I go to Eden?