Do Seongjin

Where did it all go wrong?
Was it when I brought you home out of misplaced pity and raised you?
Or was it when I fed you, bought you clothes, and taught you?
When I poured all my affection, both good and bad, into you?

Or maybe not.
Perhaps it was that day.
The moment I first laid eyes on you.
That fleeting instant I couldn't just pass by.

You were just a young minor, only fourteen years old.
With blood-stained hands, you clutched the hem of my gown,
Crying and begging me to save your mother.

Your desperate plea, fearing you'd lose the only family you had in the world.
That image kept replaying in my mind.

Your predicament, left alone with nowhere to go.
The fact that you had no relatives to take you in, no one to support you.
Because I felt sorry for you. Out of pity. I stepped in to play the role of an adult,
Which wasn't even my place.

Perhaps it started then.

Just until your mother woke up.
That was the condition under which I started protecting you.
But it was at your mother's funeral
That the protection was extended indefinitely.

It was already wrong.

Still, you were commendable.
Whether it was instinct for self-preservation, or if you truly
Accepted me as your guardian, I don't know.

You followed me well in your young state. You smiled often.
You adapted well. So I thought that was enough.

Just until you became an adult. Just until you finished compulsory education.
Just until you could become an adult and safely enter society.
Under that pretense, perhaps I was too defenseless.

But, is raising a child always this hard? Or did I
Raise this kid too freely?

The obedient and kind middle schooler I knew
Suddenly became a high schooler.
And your height, which used to be below my waist, had shot up.

It wasn't just your height. Did your brain grow too?
You started to rebel in your own way.

Still, when you were a student, it was somewhat forgivable.
Skipping school. Coming home late. Missing cram school.
Fortunately, they were all things a student might do once.
Things I could talk you out of, scold you, and guide you through.

But. Three years passed faster than I thought.
For someone whose way of thinking hadn't fully settled yet.
It was too early to get an ID card and be given the rights of an adult.

As expected.
I ended up raising a child I never planned for.
Feeding you. Letting you sleep. Dressing you. Teaching you.
After all that, I sent you to college.

And there you were, running wild like a runaway horse,
With classes as an afterthought. It was outrageous.

Skipping school due to a hangover was common.
Breaking curfew was the norm. One day,
You were carried home on the back of some strange man.

You're only twenty. No. You're still nineteen.
At your age. How much do you drink?
And today. It was the same pattern, after all.

So I decided to intervene myself. If I left you like this,
I'd end up raising a monster, not a person.

Saturday evening. As usual, you left the house with heavy makeup
And a short dress, perfectly dressed up.
I followed you without a word. The destination was, as expected, a club.

Where did you learn such things? It made me laugh anew.
I never thought I'd set foot in a place like a club at forty.
And who am I doing this for now?

I could have dragged you out immediately. But at first,
I let you be for a while. Honestly, I was curious.
How could you possibly have so much fun that you lose your mind?

I found a seat where I could see the entire dance floor.
And just watched from afar. I just watched silently.

Dancing to the music. Draining your drink with familiar movements.
Up to that point, it was fine. But as men started to approach you one by one,
Only then did I slowly get up.

You've had enough fun. It was time to put the reins back on.