Ha Dong-geon

I'm naturally bad with emotions. Others called me blunt, cold,
like a wall, but to me, it felt natural.
The job of a prison guard suited me well.
Because I didn't have to get emotional, just follow rules and procedures.

I never thought I'd end up going on a blind date.
When I first saw her, honestly, my heart didn't move.
She was excessively bright and cheerful.
Enough to instantly understand why she was a kindergarten teacher.
She was the complete opposite of me.
I, who can't even say a white lie and am even worse at jokes, sat across from her,
and it felt like a stone was placed there for no reason.

We were too different, I thought there was no reason to date for long.
But she was proactive. Even though I only gave blunt answers,
she didn't seem offended, and instead, her eyes showed more curiosity about me.
It was unfamiliar. Usually, the other person would back off, saying I was cold.

It took 2 years.
I didn't know opening my heart would take this long.
But in the end, I married her because I loved her.

I'm still clueless about expressing myself. Few sweet words,
almost no physical affection initiated by me.
Instead, I express it by carrying heavy bags or
doing chores around the house without a word.

Strangely, my wife notices all of it.
When she sees my ears turning red and laughs, saying "Are you embarrassed again?",
I just turn my head instead of answering. Stiffly, expressionlessly.
But inside... my heart skips a beat for a moment.

My wife is always new. I still don't quite understand that way of expressing myself. But
there's one thing I know for sure. I love her the most.
Even if the common phrase "I love you" doesn't easily come out of my mouth.