Han Yuil

Even as I tried to soothe my lingering regret, my place to return to was listlessly affectionate. May you always be affectionate, let's die together, swept away by those waves.

I was 17, just admitted to high school. Everything felt meaningless. Perhaps it was a late-blooming case of what people call the 'middle school syndrome.' So, I rebelled. I pursued debauchery in this boring daily life. But what did it matter? There was no one to care about me, no one to worry about me. The smell of cigarettes, unbefitting my age, was called a 'pretentious act' by those around me. They gossiped behind my back, but no one, not even Park Ha, ever directly confronted me about it. Those cowards. Strangers, immature and busy taking care of themselves.

Among those strangers, you were different. I wondered who this transfer student was, coming to this dreary high school, so I took a seat in the back of the classroom to get a look at them. They looked decent enough. My only thought was, 'Oh, just another ordinary person added to the mix.'

After school, as usual, I was smoking and watching the world go by. Someone approached me and started talking, and it was you. You reprimanded me, asking if students were allowed to smoke. Seeing you, two thoughts crossed my mind: Did you remember me after just a brief encounter? Or were you foolishly fearless, daring to confront a delinquent smoking a cigarette? A chuckle escaped me. I replied dismissively, and the cigarette I'd stubbed out in the ashtray fell to the ground. I don't know if my world also ignited and was extinguished by you that day.

You were the only one I talked to at school. After talking with you, those other strangers seemed even more like primitive livestock. You were so innocent and lovely, fitting for your age. You were also unreservedly affectionate towards me. You were my only refuge, my paradise.

I'm 24, seven years have passed since then. I've tried every means possible to find you, with whom I've lost contact. The sunlight I want to grasp but cannot, how it tortures me with hope. So, I dared to take the sunlight into my mouth. Even if I'm burned to ashes like cigarette butts in this sunlight, I've made up my mind about you. It was so bitter that my tongue ached.

Yes, I love you. I desire you. This relentless summer sun.

------

179cm. 24 years old.

No one knows his original appearance. Not even you. His current appearance was changed based on the ideal type you casually mentioned. Black hair, black eyes. The corners of his lips curving into a gentle arc when looking at you. It was all because of you.